{"id":54579,"date":"2025-10-14T12:37:35","date_gmt":"2025-10-14T09:37:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/findmykids.org\/blog\/?p=54579"},"modified":"2026-03-16T16:43:12","modified_gmt":"2026-03-16T13:43:12","slug":"child-ill-or-avoiding-school","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/findmykids.org\/blog\/en\/child-ill-or-avoiding-school","title":{"rendered":"When \u201cI Feel Sick\u201d Means \u201cI Can\u2019t Face School\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Sometimes parents face a\u00a0familiar situation: a\u00a0child complains of\u00a0a\u00a0headache or\u00a0stomachache in\u00a0the morning before school, but there are no\u00a0evident signs of\u00a0illness. You let them stay home, and an\u00a0hour later they\u2019re running around the house or\u00a0asking for sweets. In\u00a0moments like this, it\u2019s natural to\u00a0wonder\u2014are they really sick, or\u00a0do\u00a0they just not want to\u00a0go\u00a0to\u00a0school? Let\u2019s look at\u00a0how to\u00a0understand what\u2019s happening and how to\u00a0respond.<\/p>\n<h2>Why a\u00a0Child Might Pretend to\u00a0Be\u00a0Sick<\/h2>\n<p>Pretending doesn\u2019t always mean lying. Often, it\u2019s a\u00a0way to\u00a0express emotions that feel too big or\u00a0confusing to\u00a0handle. Here are some of\u00a0the most common reasons:<\/p>\n<ul style=\"text-align: left; width: 100%;\">\n<li><strong>Fear:<\/strong> A test, a presentation, a sports practice, or a conflict at school.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Overload:<\/strong> When a child is tired, they may subconsciously look for a way to rest.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Anxiety:<\/strong> Worry about a\u00a0teacher or\u00a0classmates.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Need for attention:<\/strong> The child might be missing emotional connection with parents.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Memory of past experience: <\/strong>They might remember that when they were really sick, they didn\u2019t have to do homework, they received treats, or had extra screen time.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Simply not wanting to\u00a0go\u00a0to\u00a0school:<\/strong> Not because of fear or anxiety, but because school feels boring, uncomfortable, or meaningless.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>When a\u00a0Child Starts Pretending on\u00a0Purpose<\/h2>\n<p>By\u00a0the age of\u00a0six or\u00a0seven, children begin to\u00a0understand that they can use lying to\u00a0avoid something unpleasant. As\u00a0they grow, their \u201cstories\u201d become more convincing.<\/p>\n<p>By\u00a0ten or\u00a0twelve, they can predict adults\u2019 reactions and act in\u00a0ways that help them get what they want.<\/p>\n<p>For teenagers, pretending can even be\u00a0a\u00a0form of\u00a0asserting independence or\u00a0silent protest.<\/p>\n<h2>How to\u00a0Tell if\u00a0Your Child Is\u00a0Sick or\u00a0Just Avoiding School<\/h2>\n<p>There are a\u00a0few warning signs that can help you notice a\u00a0pattern.<\/p>\n<ul style=\"text-align: left; width: 100%;\">\n<li><strong>Complaints come up\u00a0regularly, but only on\u00a0specific days or\u00a0before certain events<\/strong>. For example, they might complain every Friday, before a\u00a0test, or\u00a0before something important at\u00a0school.<\/li>\n<li><strong>The child\u2019s behavior also feels different from how they usually act when they\u2019re truly sick<\/strong>. They might say their stomach or\u00a0head hurts a\u00a0lot, but there\u2019s no\u00a0fever, vomiting, rash, or\u00a0any other typical symptoms of\u00a0illness. It\u2019s important to\u00a0remember, though, that such pains can still be\u00a0real, even when no\u00a0physical signs are visible. Stress and worry often show up\u00a0in\u00a0the body.<\/li>\n<li>You might also notice that your <strong>child suddenly feels much better when something pleasant happens<\/strong>, like playing a\u00a0game, watching a\u00a0show, or\u00a0using a\u00a0gadget.<\/li>\n<li>Another clue is\u00a0<strong>how vaguely they describe how they feel<\/strong>: when asked what exactly hurts, they can\u2019t really explain or\u00a0give clear details.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>What to\u00a0Do\u00a0If\u00a0You Think Your Child Is\u00a0Pretending<\/h2>\n<p>The main thing is\u00a0not to\u00a0accuse or\u00a0shame. Even if\u00a0your child isn\u2019t sick, their behavior is\u00a0still a\u00a0message.<\/p>\n<ul style=\"text-align: left; width: 100%;\">\n<li>Instead of\u00a0blaming, <strong>try to\u00a0talk calmly<\/strong>: \u201cYou often want to\u00a0stay home. Can you tell me\u00a0what\u2019s wrong? Maybe there\u2019s something at\u00a0school that bothers you?\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Offer alternatives<\/strong>: \u201cIf\u00a0something feels hard, let\u2019s think together about how to\u00a0deal with\u00a0it.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>It\u00a0also helps to\u00a0<strong>write down when and why your child complains<\/strong> and how they behave throughout the day. Patterns can reveal a\u00a0lot.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Keep an\u00a0eye <\/strong>on\u00a0their emotional state, sleep, mood, and relationships with classmates.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>When to\u00a0See a\u00a0Doctor or\u00a0Psychologist<\/h2>\n<p>If\u00a0the complaints become frequent and you can\u2019t find a\u00a0clear reason, it\u2019s time to\u00a0consult a\u00a0specialist. A\u00a0medical check-up will rule out any physical causes. If\u00a0everything is\u00a0fine, talk to\u00a0a\u00a0psychologist\u2014your child might be\u00a0dealing with anxiety, bullying, or\u00a0other challenges that they find hard to\u00a0express directly.<\/p>\n<p>\u2800<\/p>\n<p>If\u00a0your child says they\u2019re sick and you\u2019re unsure, don\u2019t jump to\u00a0conclusions. Even pretending can hide a\u00a0real reason\u2014exhaustion, worry, or\u00a0a\u00a0need for closeness.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not manipulation; it\u2019s a\u00a0sign that your child is\u00a0struggling. Support, attention, and trust help you truly hear them and get closer. Sometimes, that alone is\u00a0enough for a\u00a0child to\u00a0feel safe again.<\/p>\n<h2>References:<\/h2>\n<ul style=\"text-align: left; width: 100%;\">\n<li><a  rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https:\/\/www.parents.com\/parenting\/better-parenting\/advice\/is-your-child-really-sick-ailments-your-kid-could-be-faking\/\"\" rel=\"nofollow\">Is\u00a0Your Child Really Sick? Ailments Your Kid Could Be\u00a0Faking<\/a>, Parents, 2025<\/li>\n<li><a  rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https:\/\/childmind.org\/article\/why-kids-lie\/\"\" rel=\"nofollow\">Why Kids Lie and What Parents Can Do\u00a0About It<\/a>, Child Mind Institute, 2022<\/li>\n<li><a  rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S2352250X22000938\"\" rel=\"nofollow\">When Lying is\u00a0the Only Option: Development of\u00a0Verbal Deception in\u00a0Children<\/a>, Current Opinion in\u00a0Psychology, 2022<\/li>\n<li><a  rel=\"nofollow\" href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/abs\/pii\/S0022096517301182\"\" rel=\"nofollow\">Understanding Children\u2019s Lying: Links to\u00a0Cognitive Development and Executive Functioning<\/a>, Journal of\u00a0Experimental Child Psychology, 2017<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\t\t<div class=\"wpulike wpulike-default \" ><div class=\"wp_ulike_general_class wp_ulike_is_not_liked\"><button type=\"button\"\n\t\t\t\t\taria-label=\"Like 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there&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":53741,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"layf_related_links":[""],"layf_exclude_from_feed":["1"],"classic-editor-remember":["classic-editor"],"_edit_lock":["1773668453:1"],"_edit_last":["1"],"_thumbnail_id":["53741"],"mpulseenable_meta_value":["no"],"yzcategory_meta_value":["\u0414\u043e\u043c"],"yzrating_meta_value":["\u041d\u0435\u0442 (\u043d\u0435 \u0434\u043b\u044f \u0432\u0437\u0440\u043e\u0441\u043b\u044b\u0445)"],"yzrssenabled_meta_value":["no"],"saswp_custom_schema_field":[""],"_s2mail":["yes"],"hide-in-popular":[""],"_hide-in-popular":["field_5d0c8a5b4fde2"],"\u0430\u0432\u0442\u043e\u0440":["\u0412\u0430\u0441\u0438\u043b\u0438\u0439 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