Children’s questions can confuse even the most experienced parents. Children ask very simple questions, but to answer them you sometimes need to find a lot of simple words instead of complex definitions. And some topics Adults often don’t discuss with each other about what we can say about children!
What is the right way to respond to difficult questions? Should I send a child to seek answers or answer as openly as possible? How do you choose words to convey your thoughts? Today we will think about it and try to create the most understandable guide for the parents.
After the child is born, he tries to know the world as much as possible. He soaks up everything that happens around him like a sponge — he studies his mother’s face, learns the limits of his body, then realizes that there are many objects and other people. Gradually, as he develops, he begins not only to accept the world as it is, but also to face the questions: «Why?», «What is this?», «What for?», and so on.
The peak of curiosity is considered 4 year – according to statistics, children at this age ask an average of 73 questions a day!
Why do they do that? Not just out of curiosity, but also to draw attention to yourself, engage parents in a fascinating conversation. When the child receives an answer to a question important to themselves, they also receive a sense of need and acceptance from their parents.
Don’t ignore and dismiss your child — try to find simple, understandable words for even the most difficult questions. Of course, there isn’t always the time and opportunity to answer right away — in that case, remember to come back to the question a little later and discuss a new topic together.
It’s good for a child to ask simple questions like, «When will dad be back from work?» Or «Why do I go to kindergarten?». They have clear and concrete answers: «Dad comes home at 6 a.m., and you go to kindergarten because your parents have to go to work and cannot play with you during the day».
But often the little fat ones want to know the answers to much more complex and difficult questions. Parents are regularly confronted with «uncomfortable» questions, and some may even be stunned by surprise. At this point it is important to remember that it is not the child’s job to confuse or shame you in any way. He’s just curious and really wants to know why the day changes to night or where the kids are from. It’s us adults who make questions uncomfortable for ourselves because some of things are obvious to us and some are taboo.
Don’t panic or look for the culprit, let alone a child. Try to answer as calmly as possible in language the child understands. The more private you are while answering, the quicker the child will switch to a more interesting activity.
If a child shocks you with their awareness, ask yourself where they got the word from or found out about a specific event. Maybe he meant something completely different and you were already afraid.
All of the children’s questions must be answered. But it is worth adhering to a number of simple and fairly obvious rules, then it will be easier for you to communicate with a child of any age:
It is unrealistic to know everything in the world. The child, of course, wants to believe that the parents are omnipotent and omnipotent, but they learn very quickly that the parents have their weaknesses, their weaknesses and, of course, their knowledge is limited. Don’t be afraid to say you don’t know something. Suggest finding information together.
Today there are many informative bright books about everything in the world, you can find information in them or open a search engine on the Internet. Ask the child to formulate a question, help to make this as clear as possible so that the computer understands the request. Search the websites, find the best answer option. Speak your footsteps when searching for information. After repeatedly going through this path, the child himself can use the search engine and find everything that is needed, filtering out unnecessary and incorrect information. It will be useful to him in life during study and work.
Don’t forget to discuss new knowledge, share it with your child — what was great for you, ask what he learned. Perhaps you will delve even more into the topic and have a great time with your child!
There are questions that most parents, regardless of education, emotional intelligence, or parenting experience, find dead-end. They require parents to focus and trust their own words. Let’s look at the most popular and trickiest.
This is a question that comes naturally to almost all children. And it seems extremely difficult to answer by avoiding the subject of sex and genitals. But even mystical storks with cabbage do not clarify this question. The best way to answer as simply as possible:
«When mom and dad love each other, a baby appears in their mother’s womb, my dad and I met, made friends and loved each other, and you settled in my womb. At first you were very small and defenseless, so your Mom is safest for you. Gradually you grew, developed, and when the time came, your mother gave birth to you — bulging muscles from the abdomen».
For a three to four year old child, this information is more than sufficient. Most likely, the child will return closer to adolescence to the issues of reproduction in full. It is desirable at this time to have on the shelf a suitable picture book, in which all the information is already described in a simple and understandable way.
The subject of death is a difficult question for everyone, and even the child faces the thought that one day it may not be anymore. It is not necessary to change your face and show the child your fear. This can startle and injure the baby. It is better to answer calmly:
«One day each of us — humans, animals, plants — will not be, but it will happen soon. What awaits us there, no one knows, but I want to believe that we are sitting on a cloud, looking at our loved ones and relatives».
Oddly enough, toddlers like the concept of an island or cloud with loved ones watching over them.
A question with a catch that gets into a stupor because it really needs to be answered very carefully. The equation is very offensive to children, so it’s best to construct the answer as follows:
«It’s impossible to love everyone with the same love. Love is different. I love you and your brother too. It’s a different kind of love, but it’s equally very strong».
It’s easier to answer the question if you have different children: one can say that he is the most popular son and the other that she is the most popular daughter.
But when kids start asking you these kinds of questions on a regular basis, think about how you show your feelings for them. Maybe this is a way for them to get the attention and support they lack from you.
Children are very afraid of quarrels between people close to them. Often they begin to think that they were the result of disagreements between parents. Of course it hurts them. Do you talk to your child about whether they always agree with their friends? Does that mean he loves her less? And mom and dad swear because they disagree on some issues but continue to love each other.
Reassure the child, show him that despite all the parental quarrels, you still love him. But keep trying to solve your adult problems in the absence of children or through constructive conversation. This is how you show them the right behavior during a conflict.
On the eve of the New Year, you can hear such a question from your child. And the parents don’t know what to do, because we want to teach the children honesty and not lie, but the truth will destroy the fairy tale. Therefore, it pays to be as honest as possible:
«No one knows for sure if Santa Clause exists or not: some people think he’s there and bringing gifts, others don’t».
Children often like what their peers have, but they don’t have it. And sooner or later, the little observer will also become aware of the socio-economic inequality in society. How do you explain to the kid why he doesn’t have what the other boys have? The answer must be sincere:
«We are all different: Washi has one such machine and you have another. You can ask him to swap or play together».
As a rule, such questions are asked by kindergarten children who, sitting on a pot, notice that girls and boys are different. That is normal. One should not focus on girls being «neat clean» and boys being bullies and thugs, firstly because that is not necessarily the case, and secondly because there is not much difference between a little boy and a little girl. Therefore, it is better to focus on what unites us:
«Yes, boys and girls have different organs, but girls and boys also feel pain and resentment, rejoice and laugh, love mom and dad».
Before answering the question, ask where and under what circumstances your child heard the word. There is no need to scold or shame the child for being curious. Don’t say it’s a «bad word». Of course, if a child asks what an obscene expression means, it is necessary to tell him that such words should not be used. But if it’s just a grown-up word, you shouldn’t say, «When you grow up, you’ll find out». Feel free to explain its meaning:
«Girls have a vagina (that’s what a girl calls a pussy) and boys have a penis. Sex is when the vagina and penis connect. It happens in adult humans when they make love».
Kid’s questions are fine! They help the child learn more about the world, about themselves and adults. Of course, it is difficult and tiring for parents to answer questions that flow from dawn to dusk. But let’s try to survive this time with the greatest benefit for ourselves and our children. Children’s questions make you look at the world in a new way, wonder about the obvious and educate yourself about the unbelievable, so why not find the answers?.
The picture on the front page: fizkes/Shutterstock.com
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