Why Does a 10-Year-Old Child Lie?

Lying is a way for children to test the world’s boundaries. It’s also a way to protect themselves. Sometimes, kids lie to avoid a fight with parents, sometimes to impress others, and sometimes simply because it’s more fun to embellish. These are referred to as “anti-social” lies. Sometimes, kids lie to save another person’s feelings, and these are known as “pro-social” lies. This isn’t always a conscious manipulation. Reading this, it may come as no surprise that lying is actually very common for kids.

👅 Reasons Why Children Lie

• Afraid of Punishment: If they’re punished for every mistake, it’s only natural that they’ll try to hide it.
• Want to Appear Better: Sometimes, lying isn’t about deceit but about wanting to be seen as more interesting, cooler, or more successful.
• Testing Boundaries: “What if parents don’t notice?” Ten-year-olds love experimenting with the truth to see what happens.
• Protecting Themselves: Kids sometimes lie to cover up fears, mistakes, or awkward situations.
• Kindness to Others: Children this age have actually learned that sometimes telling a lie can avoid hurting someone’s feelings: “I love the sweater you knitted me, Grandma” when they have no intention of wearing it.

😞 What to Do?

• Don’t Conduct an Interrogation: Instead of saying, “You lied again?!” try, “I think you might have stretched the truth. Can you tell me what really happened?”
• Show That Honesty Is Safer: If the child knows that honesty won’t lead to punishment, they’re less likely to lie.
• Teach That Honesty Matters More Than a Perfect Image: If lying is connected to wanting to appear better, help your child feel valuable just as they are.
• Praise Honesty: Point out the positive moments when your child tells the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.
• Use Pro-Social Lies Sparingly: While it’s acceptable to be polite in some situations, it’s also important for children to know they can express their true feelings.

🚩 When Should You Be Concerned?

If lying becomes a consistent pattern, especially anti-social lies, and if your child becomes withdrawn, anxious, aggressive, or enters a phase of complete denial, it’s best to consult with a professional.

But in most cases, lying is simply part of growing up. The child is figuring out who they are, and it’s important for parents not to crush their self-esteem but to help them navigate the world and themselves. And take heart, almost all kids grow out of lying when supported in this way!

References:

1. A Parent’s Guide to Lying and Age-Appropriate Consequences. Parents.com
2. Why Kids Lie and What Parents Can Do About It. Child Mind Institute
3. Xu, F., Bao, X., Fu, G., Talwar, V., & Lee, K. (2010). Lying and truth‐telling in children: From concept to action. Child Development, 81(2), 581-596.