When “I Feel Sick” Means “I Can’t Face School”

Sometimes parents face a familiar situation: a child complains of a headache or stomachache in the morning before school, but there are no evident signs of illness. You let them stay home, and an hour later they’re running around the house or asking for sweets. In moments like this, it’s natural to wonder—are they really sick, or do they just not want to go to school? Let’s look at how to understand what’s happening and how to respond.

Why a Child Might Pretend to Be Sick

Pretending doesn’t always mean lying. Often, it’s a way to express emotions that feel too big or confusing to handle. Here are some of the most common reasons:

• Fear: A test, a presentation, a sports practice, or a conflict at school.
• Overload: When a child is tired, they may subconsciously look for a way to rest.
• Anxiety: Worry about a teacher or classmates.
• Need for attention: The child might be missing emotional connection with parents.
• Memory of past experience: They might remember that when they were really sick, they didn’t have to do homework, they received treats, or had extra screen time.
• Simply not wanting to go to school: Not because of fear or anxiety, but because school feels boring, uncomfortable, or meaningless.

When a Child Starts Pretending on Purpose

By the age of six or seven, children begin to understand that they can use lying to avoid something unpleasant. As they grow, their “stories” become more convincing.

By ten or twelve, they can predict adults’ reactions and act in ways that help them get what they want.

For teenagers, pretending can even be a form of asserting independence or silent protest.

How to Tell if Your Child Is Sick or Just Avoiding School

There are a few warning signs that can help you notice a pattern.

• Complaints come up regularly, but only on specific days or before certain events. For example, they might complain every Friday, before a test, or before something important at school.
• The child’s behavior also feels different from how they usually act when they’re truly sick. They might say their stomach or head hurts a lot, but there’s no fever, vomiting, rash, or any other typical symptoms of illness. It’s important to remember, though, that such pains can still be real, even when no physical signs are visible. Stress and worry often show up in the body.
• You might also notice that your child suddenly feels much better when something pleasant happens, like playing a game, watching a show, or using a gadget.
• Another clue is how vaguely they describe how they feel: when asked what exactly hurts, they can’t really explain or give clear details.

What to Do If You Think Your Child Is Pretending

The main thing is not to accuse or shame. Even if your child isn’t sick, their behavior is still a message.

• Instead of blaming, try to talk calmly: “You often want to stay home. Can you tell me what’s wrong? Maybe there’s something at school that bothers you?”
• Offer alternatives: “If something feels hard, let’s think together about how to deal with it.”
• It also helps to write down when and why your child complains and how they behave throughout the day. Patterns can reveal a lot.
• Keep an eye on their emotional state, sleep, mood, and relationships with classmates.

When to See a Doctor or Psychologist

If the complaints become frequent and you can’t find a clear reason, it’s time to consult a specialist. A medical check-up will rule out any physical causes. If everything is fine, talk to a psychologist—your child might be dealing with anxiety, bullying, or other challenges that they find hard to express directly.

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If your child says they’re sick and you’re unsure, don’t jump to conclusions. Even pretending can hide a real reason—exhaustion, worry, or a need for closeness.

It’s not manipulation; it’s a sign that your child is struggling. Support, attention, and trust help you truly hear them and get closer. Sometimes, that alone is enough for a child to feel safe again.

References:

• Is Your Child Really Sick? Ailments Your Kid Could Be Faking, Parents, 2025
• Why Kids Lie and What Parents Can Do About It, Child Mind Institute, 2022
• When Lying is the Only Option: Development of Verbal Deception in Children, Current Opinion in Psychology, 2022
• Understanding Children’s Lying: Links to Cognitive Development and Executive Functioning, Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 2017