Emotional Intelligence Helps Kids Lie Less

Kids who can understand the feelings of others are less likely to lie. That’s the conclusion reached by the authors of a study published in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology in 2024. This has to do with a child’s ability to imagine how a lie might affect someone else. This skill is called cognitive empathy—and it can be developed.

🤗 What Is Cognitive Empathy and How Does It Work?

Cognitive empathy is the ability to think about and understand what another person is feeling and to imagine yourself in their place. It’s not just about feeling sorry for someone—it’s about seeing the situation through their eyes.

For example, if your child tells you they were hurt by someone, cognitive empathy helps you not only feel their pain but also understand why they’re reacting that way.

Sometimes, cognitive empathy is confused with emotional empathy. Emotional empathy is the ability to feel what someone else is feeling—to “catch” their emotions, so to speak. For example, when your child is crying, you might feel sad too or even start crying with them.

Both types of empathy are important, but it’s cognitive empathy that helps kids understand the consequences of their actions—and that’s what makes them lie less often.

🤥 ‍Why Kids With Empathy Are Less Likely to Lie

As kids develop empathy, they start to realize that lying can hurt others or lead to problems. And that becomes important to them.

Carol Brady, PhD in clinical psychology from Walden University, recommends talking to kids in a way that helps them feel safe being honest—and reminding them that they don’t have to be perfect all the time.

You can say something like: “I’m going to ask you something, and maybe you’ll tell me something I won’t like very much. But remember: what you do doesn’t change how much I love you. I love you no matter what, and everyone makes mistakes. That’s why I want you to think carefully and give me an honest answer.”
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When you give your child space to reflect on these words, they’re more likely to tell you the truth.

Keep reminding your child that you love them no matter what—and create an environment where they don’t feel afraid to be honest.

💙 How to Help Your Kid Develop Empathy

The skill of cognitive empathy develops with age and involves the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for complex thinking. Cognitive empathy is one of the things that still sets us apart from robots (for now!).

Here’s what can help your child better understand others:

• Work on emotional intelligence. This is the ability to understand and manage our emotions, as well as recognize and respond appropriately to the emotions of others. It is closely connected to cognitive empathy.
• Books and programs that teach kids to recognize and understand their own emotions—and the emotions of others—can help strengthen this skill.
• Read fiction. Immersing themselves in stories and characters helps kids see the world through different eyes in a variety of situations—and that builds empathy. You can read to your child if younger, or read the same book as your older child or teen, and then have discussions to expand their empathy skills.
• Practice active listening. Learning to listen carefully and ask clarifying questions helps kids understand others’ thoughts and feelings better. Empathy is a key component of active listening as it promotes deeper connections, understanding, and effective communication. When parents model active listening, it becomes easier for kids to figure out their feelings, too.

Want to give these tips a try? At Findmykids, we believe you’ve got this—and we’re here to support you every step of the way. And if not right away—that’s okay. Cognitive empathy takes time to develop.

References:

• Why Kids Lie and What Parents Can Do About It, Child Mind Institute, 2025
• Cognitive empathy boosts honesty in children and young adolescents, Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 2024

Cover image: Alex Uksta/Shutterstock