How to Respond to Rudeness: 5 Phrases

Kids this age can be rude or snap at their parents: “Leave me alone!”, “I’m not doing that!”, “You’re the worst parent ever!” Words like that can really hurt—and the first impulse might be to snap back, defend yourself, or prove your point. But when a parent reacts emotionally, things can escalate quickly.

Picture this: you’re sitting by a fire, and your child throws dry sticks into the flames—it flares up instantly. You’re holding sticks, too. Do you add them? Or wait and let the fire die down on its own?

In moments like these, staying calm and reminding yourself it’s not personal but likely a result of feeling overwhelmed makes all the difference. A short pause and a few thoughtful words can show your child that you’re still there and ready to talk.

Here are five phrases that can help you respond to rudeness without turning it into a conflict:

🗣 1. “You must be really angry to talk to me like that.”

This phrase helps your child become aware of their emotions and how they express them. You’re not justifying the rudeness—you’re showing that you notice something’s hard for them right now.

🗣 2. “It hurts when you talk to me like that. Can we think of a kinder way to say this?”

A gentle reminder about boundaries, and an invitation to try again—no punishment, no pressure.

🗣 3. “Sounds like a lot is building up. Want to figure it out together?”

Instead of focusing on how your child said something, this shifts attention to what they’re trying to say. It shows that you’re open to listening and helping, without feeding the conflict.

🗣 4. “It’s okay to feel angry. I’m here—even if you don’t feel like talking right now. Do you want to hit a pillow or something?”

This helps your child separate feelings from actions. Anger is okay—and they’re still accepted, even when they’re upset.

🗣 5. “Maybe now’s not the best time to talk. Let’s come back to this later.”

Sometimes, a pause is the best way to give everyone time to cool off and avoid a full-blown argument.

These phrases work best when you stay calm, which isn’t always easy. And they may not have an immediate effect. Every situation is different. But how we, as adults, respond sets the tone for communication. The fewer “sticks” you throw into the fire, the sooner it goes out.

A pause, a steady voice, a thoughtful response—that’s not weakness. That’s strength. The kind that helps you stay connected, even when emotions run high. You’re not “losing”—you’re showing your child how to handle big feelings. And that’s a win for both of you.

References:

• A Proven Way to Deal With a Rude, Aggressive, or Defiant Child. Keeping Your Cool Parenting