Not Listening Again? 5 Common Discipline Mistakes

Your child isn’t listening? There could be many reasons, but in many cases, it comes down to how discipline is handled. Let’s look at some common parenting mistakes that might make it harder for your child to hear you out, make better choices, and follow through.

🤔 1. Inconsistency

One day, there’s one rule. The next day—it changes. Or the rule stays the same, but parents break it themselves.

When rules are changed or canceled without explanation, it’s hard for a child to understand what’s expected. Rules start to feel random or temporary—so there’s no compelling reason to follow them.

What can help: Set clear, fair, and consistent rules. If something needs to change, talk about it together and explain why.

🗣️ 2. Yelling and Threats

Sometimes, when we feel overwhelmed or lose control, we resort to yelling or issuing threats to make our child behave.

But yelling isn’t a tool—it’s an emotional outburst. It can frighten a child and undermine their ability to understand what went wrong.

Threats have a similar effect. They create anxiety and fear of losing love and support, but don’t teach responsibility.

Sure, yelling or saying, “If you ever do that again…” might work in the moment. But it won’t help long-term—and it can damage your connection with your child.

What can help: Stay calm but firm. Instead of yelling, say just a few words. Instead of threatening, use natural consequences. For example: “If you don’t turn off the tablet now, there won’t be enough time to play before dinner.”

🖼 3. Lack of Boundaries

Gentle parenting is growing in popularity—fewer punishments, no harsh rules, more respect and communication.

But if a child decides on their own bedtime, whether to do chores, or how to speak to adults—that’s not gentle parenting anymore. That’s being overly permissive and stepping away from your role as a parent.

Kids need, and actually want, boundaries. Boundaries help them feel safe and learn what’s okay and what’s not. Without boundaries, kids get confused and test limits on their own.

What can help: Create clear rules and stick to them. For example: “You can choose what to play, but at 9:00 p.m., we’re done for the day—you have school tomorrow.” Boundaries help kids feel safe and develop self-control.

👿 4. Public Discipline

Making a comment in front of grandma or friends might feel harmless, but it can actually hurt your child’s self-esteem.

They might feel ashamed, embarrassed, and stop listening altogether. What could be a moment of learning turns into a mile of distance.

What can help: Talk things through privately. Even if you’re angry, try to respect your child’s emotional space.

🤝 5. Little Meaningful Dialogue

Saying “Because I said so” doesn’t teach discipline or build trust. If kids can’t discuss the rules, they don’t understand their purpose—so they don’t see why they should follow them.

What can help: Involve your child in the conversation. Ask what they think. It doesn’t mean giving in—it means showing that their opinion matters. When a child understands the “why” behind a rule, they’re more likely to follow it with intention.

We’re all learning how to be parents—growing along with our kids and making mistakes along the way.

Helping your child listen often means building stronger discipline practices. But discipline isn’t about perfect rules—it’s about trust, flexibility, and respect.

In future posts, we’ll share more reasons why your child might not be responding—and what can help. And remember: if something’s not working, it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It just means there’s another way. And you’ve got this.

References:

• How to Discipline Your Child the Smart and Healthy Way, UNICEF Parenting Hub
• Effective discipline to raise healthy children, Pediatrics, 2018
• Adolescents, families, and social development: How teens construct their worlds, APA PsycNet, 2011