What to Do If Your Teen Refuses to Help Around the House

It’s common for teens to resist doing chores like cleaning, washing dishes or cooking. Parents can become frustrated and feel overwhelmed, trying to manage everything on their own. But how can we encourage teens to pitch in, and is it really necessary? A family psychologist shares some insights.

😣 Why Doesn’t My Teen Want to Help?

As parents, we all want our kids to grow up independent and responsible. But it’s important to remember that responsibility isn’t something we can simply demand. It’s something that develops over time, through real-life experiences.

When children are younger, helping around the house is more of a game. They might participate in chores not because they feel responsible but because it’s fun for them. For example, a race to see who can pick up toys the fastest.

But as kids grow into teens, things change. They have new interests and social circles, and what once seemed like a normal part of daily life no longer holds the same appeal. So when teens see that mom will do everything like make the bed, wash the dishes, and do the laundry, they lose the motivation to help. And that’s when you start hearing things like, “Why clean up? It’s fine like this,” or “I don’t mind the mess, so leave it.”

🔎 What Can You Do?

At the “this is not a mess, it’s a creative chaos” stage, it’s time to establish clear household responsibilities and set firm rules. Sit down and discuss who’s responsible for what and what happens if those tasks aren’t done.

For example, if your teen doesn’t finish their homework or refuses to help with chores, there should be consequences. Maybe no sleepovers with friends or limited screen time. This way, your teen will start to understand that their actions affect their own life.

The key is not to do everything for your teen. Support them, be present, but don’t solve every problem for them. Yes, it can be tough to endure the mess and deal with procrastination. But when your teen runs out of clean shirts or can’t find their things, they’ll realize that responsibility is theirs to own. And the consequences won’t be in the distant future, they’ll be happening right then and there.