10 Parenting Hacks for Raising a 10-Year-Old Girl

The age of ten isn’t just a number—it’s a whole era of change. Your little girl, who was once content with simple toys, is now interested in the latest fashion trends, is forming her first real and lasting friendships, and may even be texting or chatting about things you know little about. How can you stay connected with your daughter and help her grow up confident in herself?

😣 1. Give Her the Right to Feel All Emotions

“Don’t cry,” “Stop being dramatic,” “You’re overreacting”—these phrases don’t help your daughter understand her feelings better. They can also promote negative stereotypes about females. Instead of blocking her emotions, teach her how to express them in a healthy way. If she’s angry, encourage her to tell you what’s bothering her rather than slamming doors. If she’s sad, let her share her feelings instead of shutting down.

A great practice is naming emotions aloud: talk about different feelings; how they show up through feelings, thoughts, and physically; and what to do about them. The better she understands herself, the easier it will be for her to manage her emotions.

🗣️ 2. Speak to Her as an Equal

Don’t dismiss your daughter’s problems. While a fight over matching backpacks may seem trivial to you, for her, it’s a big deal. If she comes to you upset about a friend, don’t brush her off—listen. A great response in these situations is: “I understand you’re upset. Tell me what happened?”

🤯 3. Stop Solving Everything for Her

Yes, it’s easier to pick out her jacket, sign her up for activities, and choose what goes in her lunchbox. But at 10, it’s time for her to start making decisions for herself. Start simple: let your daughter choose what to wear, how to decorate her space, and what to do in her free time. She needs to know that her opinion matters!

🚩 4. Never Criticize Her Appearance

It might seem obvious, but many parents still unintentionally hurt their daughters’ self-esteem. Even a passing comment like, “You should look neat because you’re a girl,” can sting.

If she asks, “Am I pretty?” try responding with: “What do you think?” or “You’re amazing, and it’s not just about how you look.” That said, it is still an area that may occupy her thoughts, so also think about suggesting, “Most of us feel better about ourselves when we practice self-care. What do you think would be good ways for you to do that?”

💳 5. Teach Financial Literacy

At 10, girls are old enough to start understanding how money works. Think about giving your daughter a small fixed allowance for the week and talk about how to manage it. Teach her how to save, make choices, and understand that money doesn’t appear out of nowhere.

🌸 6. Don’t Force “Girly” Hobbies on Her

Does she love cooking? Awesome. Is she into skateboarding? Fantastic!. Don’t limit her interests with ideas like “girls don’t do that.” Let her explore different activities, even if it’s coding, robotics, or soccer.

🤗 7. Teach Her How to Give Compliments (and Accept Them)

This is a key skill for building healthy relationships. If your daughter is shy about giving compliments or brushing them off when she receives them, discuss it. Start with simple compliments: praise her for her actions, teach her to notice the good in others, and encourage her to thank people for kind words. Encourage her to practice doing the same for others.

✅ 8. Explain Personal Boundaries

Her body, her things, and her emotions belong to her. If someone grabs her phone without asking, hugs her when she doesn’t want it, or asks uncomfortable questions, she can say “Stop.” Have this conversation regularly.

And most importantly, respect her boundaries yourself! Never read her diary, never laugh at her feelings, and don’t force her to hug relatives “just because.”

🚫 9. Teach Her to Say “No”

“No” is a boundary, too. Teach your daughter to use this powerful word not just for safety (which, of course, comes first), but also in everyday situations:

• “No, I don’t want to go just because everyone else is going.”
• “No, I don’t want to join that challenge.”
• “No, I won’t take on everyone else’s responsibility—I’m not the only one involved.”

This is an important skill that will help her avoid pressure and toxic relationships in the future. Notice that the examples include the “why.” This is helpful as it gives the person on the receiving end less reason to keep pushing.

🧘🏻‍♀️ 10. Show Her That Self-Care Isn’t Selfish

Teach your daughter to listen to her body: if she’s tired, she needs rest; if she’s upset, she should talk about it; if someone crosses her boundaries, she needs to speak up. One of the most important lessons to instill in her from an early age: taking care of yourself is crucial and necessary. You’re the only one of you you’ve got!

References:

1. 10 Parenting Tips for Preteens and Tweens. Child Mind Institute
2. Positive Parenting Tips: Middle Childhood (9–11 years old). Cdc.gov
3. Stern, R., & Elias, M. J. (2007). Emotionally intelligent parenting. Educating People to be Emotionally Intelligent, pp. 37–48. Westport, CT: Praeger Publishers

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