Why Does a 10-Year-Old Child Snap Back?

At 10, children feel like they’re already grown up. They crave more freedom, but the rules are still set by their parents. As a result, they experiment with new strategies: arguing, snapping back, and being cheeky. This isn’t because they’ve become rude, but because they’re learning and striving to be independent.

👅 Why Is the Child Snapping Back?

This behavior is often an attempt to establish boundaries, defend their opinion, or express emotions that they can’t yet control. Sometimes, it’s a response to stress or exhaustion, or simply frustration with the parent interfering at the wrong moment. These interactions can seem more heated than when they were younger.

Reasons a child may begin to speak rudely:

• Trying to Be Independent: They used to stomp their feet and cry, but now they experiment with tone, sarcasm, and gestures to get what they want or prove they’re right.
• Emotionally Overloaded: School, friends, hormonal changes, the desire to be “cool”—all of these accumulate and may explode in the form of sharp words.
• Can’t Find Another Way to Protest: When their opinions are ignored or decisions are made without their input, their only option may be resistance.
• Imitating Adults: The child may simply be mimicking what they’ve heard or seen from friends, older siblings, movie characters, or even parents.

🧘🏻‍♀️ How to React?

When your child responds with sarcasm or anger, your first reaction may be to respond in the same way. However, if the goal is to avoid escalating the conflict and to understand the root causes of this behavior, it’s better to choose different actions:

• Avoid Arguing Back: Responding to rudeness with rudeness is the worst option. Let them know that while you hear them, this kind of communication is not acceptable.
• Discuss Instead of Commanding: The less strict control, the fewer reasons for protest. Instead of saying, “You will do what we told you,” try saying, “Let’s talk about how we can solve this.”
• Set an Example: If you want your child to speak to you respectfully, check how your own words sound when directed at them.
• Give Choices: The more opportunities the child has to make age-appropriate decisions, the less likely they are to argue for the sake of it.

Pre-adolescence is a time when children search for their place in the world, what their purpose is in life, and experiment with new behavior models. Snapping back and arguing are part of this process. It’s important to remember that behind the rude words, there’s often a need to be heard and understood. Having a close, loving relationship with parents is still very important to 10-year-olds, even if it seems to be taking a vacation on some days! Support, respect, and willingness to communicate will help you navigate this phase, strengthening trust and mutual understanding in your family.

References:

1. Disrespectful Child Behavior: Where to Draw the Line. Empowering Parents
2. Drawing the Line: Tips to Handle Angry Disrespectful Child Behaviour. Psy-Ed
3. Hill, P. L., Schultz, L. H., Jackson, J. J., & Andrews, J. A. (2019). Parent-child conflict during elementary school as a longitudinal predictor of sense of purpose in emerging adulthood. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 48, 145-153.

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