Girls at 10: Developmental Features

Ten years old is when everything may suddenly seem too big: emotions, fears, and dreams. How can you help a girl navigate this phase? The most important thing is to not interfere with her becoming herself. And also, to understand what’s happening to her so she can feel loved and supported.

📏 Physical Development: Changes Are Normal

By this age, some girls begin to notice that clothes fit differently, and their bodies are changing. It’s important to explain: yes, changes are inevitable, but there’s nothing to be afraid of.

• Growth and Shape. at 10, girls experience a growth spurt that often precedes muscle development, so they may feel clumsy and self-conscious. The average height is 4’5″–4’9″ (135–150 cm), and weight is around 62–90 lbs (28–41 kg), but genetics plays a big role here.
• Puberty Starts. Breasts begin to develop, and the first acne may appear. Menstruation could be in the next year or just months away. It’s time to talk to your daughter and gently explain what’s happening.
• Emotions and Hormones. Rapid mood swings are not just tantrums but the result of hormonal changes. It’s important that your daughter understands that she’s not alone in this and that everything is okay.

If changes seem too fast or too slow, it might be worth discussing them with a pediatrician or endocrinologist.

🤯 Psychology of a 10-Year-Old: The Calm Is Over

Ten is a mini-teenage age. It’s often referred to as the tween years. Your daughter is no longer a little girl, but she’s not yet a teenager. You may notice that the girl who once loved spending evenings with her parents now slams doors and says she has “her own stuff to do.”

What’s happening psychologically:

• Exploring Boundaries. She’s beginning to experiment with even more independence: Can she go to bed later? Choose her own clothes? Argue with adults? (Spoiler: Yes, she’ll try all of these.)
• First Crush. Even if it’s just a crush on a blogger, it’s still her first experience with affection.
• Increased Anxiety. Questions about appearance and social status rise to the forefront: “Am I pretty?”, “What if they’re laughing at me?” These worries are normal at this age.
• Sudden Emotions. One day, it’s tears; the next day, laughter, and then a storm of anger over your tone. It’s crucial not to belittle her feelings. Phrases like “Why are you crying over nothing?” don’t work and can alienate her. Instead, try asking: “Are you feeling sad? Do you want to talk about it or just be alone for a while?”

You’ll also experience a new level of arguments: not just “I don’t want to eat my porridge,” but “Why should I eat it at all? I’m NOT hungry!” Keep in mind that your usual “because I said so” approach won’t be effective anymore. You’ll need to up your game to have logical, respectful discussions.

Is it tough? Yes. But it’s also exciting because you’re watching her develop her own opinions!

💡 Big Questions and Self-Discovery

At 10, girls’ thinking becomes more mature. They begin to analyze, look for patterns, and draw their own conclusions (sometimes not in your favor).

What interests them:

• Books and new knowledge, especially if the topic aligns with their interests.
• Puzzles, strategies, and projects that allow them to show their logic and creativity.
• Thinking about the future. What do they want to do? Where will they be in 10 years?

At this age, there may be a sudden shift in interests. Yesterday, your daughter wanted to be a writer, today she wants to be an actress, and tomorrow a graphic designer. This doesn’t mean she’s unserious or “faking it.” It means she’s sampling the world.

It’s essential to support her search but never pressure her. If she’s into comics, that’s growth, even if you think she should be reading Shakespeare instead.

😥 Emotions and Self-Esteem: It’s Complicated

Ten-year-old girls are a mix of confidence and doubt. Yesterday, she felt like a queen, and today, she hates her reflection in the mirror.

Girls at this age are typically:

• Sensitive to criticism. One careless comment, and she might burst into tears, feeling like “I’m ugly.”
• Developing their self-esteem. It’s important for her to hear that she’s valued not just for grades or tidiness, but just for being her (and that’s the truth—say it often!).
• Seeking independence. She wants more personal space. Yes, sometimes a closed door doesn’t mean she’s hiding secrets from you, but just that she needs some time alone.

The best thing you can do is show her that her opinion matters. Ask her questions like, “What do you think?” or “What would you do?” Such conversations teach her to value herself. They can also help stem the tide of social media and marketing messages targeting tween girls that can make them feel inadequate.

🤝 Friendships, Social Media, and Peer Influence

At 10, a girl may start believing that being alone is something to be ashamed of, that it means she’s not popular enough. Her friends become more important than family, and her peers’ opinions begin to feel like law.

At this age, girls begin to:

• Look for “their people.” She’s learning how to make longer-term friends, argue, make up, and read people.
• Get into social media and follow influencers. If she’s not on TikTok, she’s probably spending time on YouTube or browsing memes on social media platforms like Facebook.
• Show an interest in fashion. Expressing herself through clothes is a form of self-identity, not just a whim.

Don’t criticize her tastes! If she thinks low-rise pants are stylish, let her wear them. (You wore strange things when you were her age, right?)

Get to know her friends—let her invite them over, show up at their events to support them. Just keep in mind that you’re giving her an opportunity to build these relationships, not trying to control them. Also, she may seem very savvy when it comes to technology, but she still needs boundaries and to learn how to stay safe online.

🚩 Red Flags for Parents

There are situations when you should be concerned. If your daughter:

• Deliberately harms herself (e.g., biting nails until they bleed, cutting her skin).
• Loses interest in things that used to excite her.
• Constantly feels sad, withdraws, and doesn’t want to communicate.
• Experiences rapid weight loss or gain for no apparent reason.
• Shows aggression, especially toward animals or younger children.

In these cases, it’s better not to wait and to seek advice from a pediatrician or child psychologist.

References:

1. Your Child’s Development From 6 to 12 Years. Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center
2. 10-Year-Old Development Milestones. WebMD
3. Child Growth Standards. WHO
4. MacDonald, F. (2016). Childhood and tween girl culture. London, UK: Macmillan Publishers.