How to Raise a Happy Child with an Absent Father

Raising a child without a father is no longer an exception to the rule—it’s a reality for many modern families. Today, the world has substantially changed: women are no longer expected to stay in unhappy marriages just to survive or provide for their children. Mothers are capable of sustaining themselves and their child without the involvement of a man. Still, an important question arises: can a child without a father grow into a healthy, well-adjusted adult? Is a mother truly able to raise a happy child on her own, or is that child destined for a life full of emotional hardship? (Spoiler: they are not!)

Contents:

• Single-Parent Families: Worldwide Statistics 
• Raising a Child Without the Dad: What Problems Would You Be Coming Across?
• How Is the Child Affected by the Absence of a Father?
  • The Influence of a Constant Absence of the Father
  • The Influence of the Temporary Absence of the Father
  • The Particularities of Not Having a Father for Boys
  • The Particularities of Not Having a Father for Girls
• What to Tell a Child About Their Father
• Can a Stepfather Fully Replace a Dad?
• Other Male Role Models
• Mistakes to be Avoided by Single Mothers
• How to Raise a Child Without a Father? Tips From a Psychologist
• Inspiring Stories of Single Mothers Raising Happy Children
• Can a Child Be Raised ‘Happy’ Without a Father?
• FAQs

Single-Parent Families: Worldwide Statistics

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Nowadays, more and more people are abandoning the traditional way of life and relationships: a child who is brought up in a so-called “incomplete family” is no longer a rarity, nor is raising a child without a father. “Incomplete family” refers to those consisting of one parent and a child or children. A grandmother is often present in the life of such families, sometimes known as female-headed households, as it is quite difficult to raise a child on your own.

The U.S. leads in the number of families with a single parent, with 23% and 50% of the African American families being incomplete, followed by the United Kingdom at 21%. This is something that affects middle-class as much as working-class families, despite assumptions to the contrary.

There are many reasons for incomplete and single families. Both men and women leave the family, with women increasingly leaving relationships once they feel that they cannot continue them any longer, and this is perfectly normal. Among regions that are more economically developed, at 19%, North America has the highest rate of single mothers.

If you are unable to have a healthy relationship with your partner, you may want to consider if it is better to separate, rather than aiming to “keep the family together for the sake of the children.” Coldness and constant conflicts within the family can traumatize children much more than a stable life with one of their parents.

Raising a Child Without the Dad: What Problems Would You Be Coming Across?

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Let’s point out right away that in addition to traditional families consisting of a “mom-dad” combination, “mom-grandmother” type families are now also very common. Both models of the family are quite capable of coping with the upbringing of the child and helping to stabilize the emotional state of the mother.

However, in this article, we will be mainly talking about families where a woman has little (or not enough) help from her family and loved ones, and she is raising a child on her own. Most likely, such a mother will face the problems described below.

1. Lack of assistance in raising the child

As any guide to parenting (or parents themselves) will tell you, when a child is a newborn, they require constant attention. Sometimes mothers can’t even find a minute for self-care, let alone leave the house without the child, or take care of personal and family issues.

After this, the stage of early childhood begins, and mothers may go back to work. One challenge is when a child falls ill and the mother must take time off. Unfortunately, many employers are unwilling to tolerate a woman who is constantly out on sick leave.

Of course, the child will become more independent, start school, and life will return to normal over time. However, the first few years will be the most difficult period in the life of any family, regardless of whether it is a traditional family or a family with a single parent.

2. Lack of self-esteem and certainty in one’s parenting

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Single moms are often left alone with their thoughts and feelings. As a consequence, they may start feeling like they’re not good enough as a mother.

Society seems to believe that only a complete family, otherwise known as a “traditional” mother-father family, can provide a positive upbringing for a child. Although in reality, it is sometimes better to raise a child alone in a female-headed household than with a destructive father.

Under the pressure of others and from her own insecurity, single mothers face the risk of rapidly switching from one kind of parenting method to another, such as permissive to controlling (e.g., helicopter parenting).

3. The need to make decisions on one’s own

Taking responsibility for one’s life is hard. However, being responsible for two (or even three, four, or more others), is even more difficult. All decisions and issues fall on the shoulders of the mother, from what to have for breakfast to where to get the money to buy winter shoes for the child. The lack of someone to consult or share this burden with can be very difficult for the mother. However, for some women, this is, on the contrary, a positive situation as they want to make decisions without anyone telling them how to live the way they want.

4. The need to maintain the child’s relationship with the father

Whoever the father is, the child has the right to know who this person is. It is also desirable to talk more about the father’s positive features, and not about the negative sides, and who is to blame. At some point, the child knows that they were born from the union between the father and the mother. So, if the dad is bad, then this is only half of the issue…

Unfortunately, not all women are ready to help the child maintain a connection with the father, even if it is a psychological one. They are afraid to let go of the child, and the presence of an ex-boyfriend or husband is unpleasant for them. However, if a man tries to be a good dad, and he is not, for example, an alcoholic or an abuser, it is in the child’s best interest to find a way to cooperate in raising them.

Experts generally agree that, where possible and safe to do so, helping a child maintain a positive relationship with their father can not only boost their general wellbeing but also enhance emotional regulation, peer relationships, and better performance in school.

5. Lack of financial stability

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a mother raising a child on her own is more likely to experience financial challenges. According to statistics, in the United States, the average monthly child support payment received was $441, amounting to approximately $5,292 annually. This sum often falls short of covering the comprehensive costs associated with child-rearing, such as housing, nutrition, education, clothing, and healthcare.

across Europe, the situation varies considerably. A study encompassing 21 European countries revealed that the proportion of single mothers receiving child support ranged from 16% in Luxembourg to 75% in the Czech Republic. In nations like Finland, Portugal, Estonia, Latvia, Sweden, Belgium, Italy, the Netherlands, Spain, and Greece, approximately half of single mothers reported receiving such support. The average annual amount of child support received also differed significantly, from as low as $735 in Hungary to as high as $7,122 in Austria.

While it is positive if a woman with a child has her own home, a stable income, and a loyal employer, not everyone is this fortunate.

6. Leaving behind one’s personal interests, feelings, and goals

In a whirlwind of seemingly endless household chores and educational activities, a mother can let go of her own needs and desires “until a better time”. Nevertheless, if a mother who raises a child with a partner has a chance for rest and self-fulfillment, a single mother runs the risk of fully dedicating herself to the child.

A child requires attention at any age, therefore, it is very difficult to combine work, personal life, and raising a child on your own. However, you can rely on the Findmykids app that allows you to stop worrying about your child when you’re not around. You will always know where your child is, which route they are following, and what is going on around them!

How is the Child Affected by the Absence of a Father?

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Of course, the absence of a father affects the child. Numerous studies find that children growing up without a father are more likely to show signs of depression and anxiety. As teenagers, they tend to engage more in risky behavior, such as substance use and delinquency.

The Influence of a Constant Absence of the Father

Researchers emphasize that our society still underplays the role of a man when raising children, creating the image of a “father who does not have the influence or the capability for anything related to child-rearing”. In single-parent families where the mother maintains a positive image of the father, children do not feel such a sharp absence of the father. Simultaneously, healthy masculinity is formed in boys, and the risk of entering into unhealthy relationships is reduced for girls.

Researchers also note that a child from a single-parent family is strongly influenced by the emotional state of the mother and her responsibilities when solving domestic and financial issues.

Research has shown that children who grew up with one parent often carry this relationship model into their future families. It is difficult for them to seek compromises, accept love and care, and display it in return—they often carry within themselves a deep sense of absence. However, from a career standpoint, such children tend to make more practical choices, as financial stability becomes a very significant success factor for them.

The Influence of the Temporary Absence of the Father

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There are families in which the father is absent for several months, after which he returns for a while and then leaves again. This is usually associated with shift work or being in the military. Such families have their own systems for raising children: dads are, as it were, quite distant and can be detached from the upbringing process, at least for a substantial amount of the time. More effort is needed from them to form a relationship with the family and children who are used to only having the mother in charge.

With the joint efforts of the parents, the family may be able to find compromises in which the father will act as a full-fledged father of the family when he returns from a temporary absence, and not just as a “holiday dad with gifts”.

Parenting for Boys Without a Father Figure

It is important for boys to see a healthy model of male behavior. No matter how hard a mother tries, she cannot be a father. Just like a father cannot be a mother. The absence of a man in the family can lead to a lack of balance. The boy receives only “female” energy, manifested through care, guardianship, and outlook on life. While it is critically important for boys to receive, too much can make parenting for boys particularly tricky. Moreover, if a grandmother is also involved in the upbringing process, which is a fairly common family model at the moment, this “energy” becomes twice as prominent.

Here are the two main mistakes that women can make when it comes to raising boys without fathers: overprotecting the child and belittling the father or other men in the eyes of the child, saying “your father left us”, “he was a bad person”, “all men are like that!”, etc.

In contrast, when the child sees how the mother is looking at a potential new male partner, they may begin forming a negative overall image of a woman. This doesn’t mean that the mother should give up her personal life, however, it’s not worth bringing lots of “new dads” into the house either, just to balance this energy.

The Particulars of Not Having a Father for Girls

It’s not just boys without fathers that should be considered: a father for a girl is the first man in her life, the first male to bring in the initial experience of unconditional love and acceptance. The absence of such a person can greatly affect her ability to build relationships with the opposite sex in the future. Additionally, if the mother is constantly saying that all men are bad, including the child’s father, the daughter may develop distrust and rejection toward a potential future partner. This often becomes a family legacy, and partly why we see “grandmother-mother-child” families on a regular basis nowadays.

However, some psychologists suggest that even fathers who are present but are emotionally absent can cause issues for the daughter that may persist into adulthood.

What to Tell a Child About Their Father

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It can be daunting to talk to a child about their absent father. There may be negative emotions, embarrassment, or complicated circumstances. However, if the child does not get information, they will often jump to conclusions that are not accurate and may also blame themselves for why their parents are not together.

The best approach is to be honest, while remembering that the messages should be age-appropriate, fair, and respectful.

When children are very young, such as toddlers or preschoolers, keep the message simple, such as “Daddy doesn’t live with us, but we both love you very much.”, “Families can look different. In ours, it is you and me.”

As children become school-age, questions from them may come up that you also have to deal with. You can say, “Dad isn’t in our lives every day, but that’s the decision we made as adults. It is not your fault.”, or “He’s not here, but he loves you in his own way.”

Preteens and teens value honesty, even if that means letting them know the situation is not ideal if that is the case. For instance, you can say, “Our history together is complicated. I know it is hard and might hurt that he is not involved in the family. I’m here anytime you want to talk.”

If you feel the urge to say things like, “He left us because he’s a horrible person. He doesn’t really love you,” or you feel especially angry or hurt, or want to make promises on the father’s behalf, take a time out to get your emotions under control and rehearse what you want to say that will not cause damage.

Remember, the main goal is to make sure your child knows they are valued and loved, that their feelings matter, and that you are there to support them.

Can a Stepfather Fully Replace a Dad?

Having a stepfather in the family can have a very positive effect on children. However, it only works if the mother’s new partner is ready to take on the father role in a healthy manner and is ready to wait for the children to accept him. This is a key when it comes to introducing the new partner.

Some stepfathers try to replace the biological father by being actively involved in the upbringing of the child through demonstrating excessive strictness. In response, this will frequently end up in the “you are not my father!” argument, and a poor relationship, as a result.

The best recommendation for mothers and stepfathers is to approach issues of upbringing together. To not attempt to replace the biological father, nor make comparisons. Try to establish friendly contact and establish an active role as a mentor instead of a controller with the children. Over time, the relationship will then have more chances to deepen.

Other Male Role Models

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When a father is absent or minimally involved, children can benefit from positive male role models in their lives. Meaningful contributions to a child’s development, especially exposure to healthy masculinity, can come from many people, such as grandfathers, uncles, close family friends, coaches, teachers, and so on. Such men are not replacing the father figure, but rather offering a relationship that helps build the child’s confidence and self-esteem.

Men can bring a variety of perspectives. If male family members are present, they can share a sense of family history and identity, as well as being a constant person in the child’s life who nurtures and loves them unconditionally. Showing and teaching children about discipline and leadership from male coaches and teachers helps children learn responsibility and resilience.

When introducing a new male role model into the child’s life, several factors are important to do so thoughtfully and carefully. A good place to begin is with observation. Does the man interact with children in a kind, respectful manner? Is he consistent and honor his promises? This will help you prioritize men who are positive and caring. You will want to talk with the man about your expectations and why you want him in your child’s life to make sure you are on the same page.

Next, any relationship takes time to develop, and the same is true for the one between a child and a male role model. Start with shorter interactions, perhaps supervised by you. Have open communication with the male role model and separately with your child to find how they feel about one another, what they like doing, and if anything feels uncomfortable. It isn’t your ‘job’ to make a relationship a good one, but it is your responsibility to ensure your child is interacting with men who are supportive, safe, and caring.

Mistakes to be Avoided by Single Mothers

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Formation of a negative perception of a man

We already mentioned this error: there is no benefit to adding half of humanity to the list of “abnormal people”. This will not make you or your children happy, it will only contribute to distrust between your child and men in general.

Excess caring

When left alone with a child, mothers can face the temptation to make raising their baby the main purpose in life, partly to compensate for a sense of absence. However, it is important to remember that a child is a separate individual who must make his or her own way in the world. Excessive care can be stifling to the child. In adolescence, a mother may then encounter strong protest as the now teenager rebels, often in the form of risky behavior. If the rebellion is suppressed, then, most likely, the teenager will stay in their home just “to please his mother”, whilst being a deeply unhappy person.

Read more on Helicopter parents: all that you need to know about excessive care.

Treating the child as a friend

A child is definitely close to their parents. Nevertheless, the role of a home psychologist for the mother is too much for them.

In particular, a mother represents protection and support. She is a person who can do and overcome anything. Therefore, it is important to refrain from treating your child as you would a friend, constantly talking about your problems, as this can induce a feeling of guilt, with them thinking, “I make my mother feel bad”, or having them feel helpless and think that they can’t help their mother. To discuss your issues in a way that is appropriate and more helpful to resolution, find an adult friend or make an appointment with a counselor or psychologist.

Avoiding “complete families”

Since a single mom often experiences anxiety and guilt, thinking that her family is not as good as everybody else’s, she may begin to avoid families that have both a mom and a dad. However, this is not advised. After all, the whole perception of reality is not limited to your family model. Show the diversity of the world to your child and that there is more than one kind of family. Perhaps when they grow up, they will want to emulate the relationship model that they saw in another family.

Excessive number of relationships and romance, or a total absence of it

Since raising a child alone is not an easy task, a mother can fall into one of the extremes by starting to actively search for a “new dad” or, on the contrary, fully abandon her personal life. Neither of these two options will likely lead to anything positive.

Find balance within yourself. If you are ready to start dating, you may want to enjoy this, but think about introducing your child to your new partner only if you are certain that you are willing to establish a long-term relationship with them.

A “new father”

A stepfather joining the family can be very positive, but does need care and consideration. For example, you will not want to insist the child call the new family member “dad”, especially if the child already has a father and they keep in touch. This puts the child in the uncomfortable situation of feeling they have to be disloyal to their biological father.

Be prepared to encounter resistance from some children, since you chose this person, and not them. Show that no matter what, you love your child, accept their feelings, and don’t get angry. If your new partner is wise enough, he and your child will certainly find some common ground.

How to Raise a Child Without a Father? Tips From a Psychologist

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Different events happen in life, and our desires and plans are not always fully realized. A beloved husband may turn out not to be so ideal, the child’s father may abandon you, or pass away. Despite all of that, the child is here, and they require your support and understanding.

More than one long-term study has found that “a calm mother is key to a calm baby”—this is the formula that psychologists mention from time to time. Therefore, it is important to start learning by addressing the following points:

1. Choose a parenting style that you understand and that fits your perception of the world. No need to jump from one extreme to another and use all the given advice at once. There are no perfect moms, but there are certainly “good enough” ones. Your predictability is the key to the calmness and confidence of your child.
2. Put feelings of guilt behind you. It is not your fault that your family is incomplete. This also does not mean that your family is inferior to others. Your assurance that the mom and the child form a great family will give your daughter or son confidence that the world is good and safe.
3. Master the skill of time management and delegate responsibilities. Involve those who want to be engaged in the upbringing of the child, such as relatives, friends, or other families. When needed, such as when a child is ill, paying for babysitting services could be a more profitable solution than sick leave. If needed and in small doses, child-appropriate media will give you time for a shower and a cup of tea. Remember that there are no unresolvable situations.
4. Maintain a positive image of the dad. Remember that this is the man you fell in love with and with whom you have a child. What happened regarding why you are not together is between you and your former partner and not the child. They need to know that they were born from two good people, as this would mean that they are a good person, too.
5. Find a person who can serve as a worthy example of male behavior or positive masculine attributes. It can be an uncle, godfather, grandfather, or coach. Someone who can help the child develop a positive attitude toward themselves, and from whom they can get advice and support in difficult times.
6. Involve the child in the life of the family in an age-appropriate way. In late childhood and certainly in adolescence, the child is able to take responsibility for their studies and self-care. Yes, a child is not a husband or a counselor, but they aren’t weak-willed creatures either. Children enjoy helping their mother in the running of the household if they see they are being asked to do so in ways that they can truly manage. Having the gratitude of mom is icing on the cake.

Remember that each day will make it easier for you. Sleepless nights, endless purchases of clothes, whims, illnesses, and homework will end. One day, the child will grow up and become an independent person, and it will be a smoother and more enjoyable transition if both of you are ready for this.

Inspiring Stories of Single Mothers Raising Happy Children

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Raising a child without a father can be challenging, but many mothers have navigated this path with resilience and love. Their stories offer valuable insights and inspiration for others in similar situations.

1. Shimar Russell: From Adversity to Achievement

Shimar Russell, a single mother of three, grew up in a low-income community in Phoenix, Arizona. Despite facing early life challenges, including not completing high school, she found support through the St. Joseph the Worker program. With determination, Shimar secured employment and provided a stable environment for her children, emphasizing the importance of perseverance and community support.

2. Aisha Jenkins: Embracing Single Motherhood by Choice

After her marriage ended in divorce and no children, Aisha Jenkins decided to become a single mother by choice. She now has two children and actively supports other single mothers through a podcast and community group. Aisha’s story highlights the empowerment found in intentional parenting and the fulfillment that can come from embracing non-traditional family structures.

3. Sheila Mensah: Balancing Work and Single Parenthood

Sheila Mensah, a single working mother, shares her journey of raising her child while managing professional responsibilities. Through her story, she emphasizes the importance of self-care, community support, and resilience. Sheila’s experience underscores that, while single parenting has its challenges, it also brings unique rewards and strengths.

4. Reddit Community: Collective Strength and Shared Experiences

In a Reddit thread, single mothers share their positive experiences and the peace they’ve found after leaving challenging relationships. One user expressed relief in being free from an abusive ex-partner, highlighting the improved mental health and stability achieved through single parenting. These shared stories reflect the collective strength and resilience found within supportive communities.

Need more proof? There are plenty of well-known stars who were raised without a father, such as Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry, Leonardo DiCaprio, Selena Gomez, and Julia Roberts, all of whom are the children of female-headed families. And don’t forget the amazing moms themselves, like Sandra Day O’Connor (the first woman to serve in the US Supreme Court) and Mary Wollstonecraft, the 18th century women’s rights activist, best known for her work The Vindication of the Rights of Women, amazing role models every one.

Can a Child Be Raised ‘Happy’ Without a Father?

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Yes! Single women can raise a happy child without a father, just like you can raise an unhappy child in a two-parent family. Overall, there is no catastrophic difference in whether two parents or one are raising a child. What matters is that the child feels the value of his or her family, as well as love and support.

Building healthy boundaries, respecting rights, and spreading responsibilities in an efficient way are necessary. It is desirable that the roles in the family are understood and followed. This way, the child will feel safe and their confidence and calmness will be strengthened. This is true for the other members of the family as well. 

It’s also important to remember that there are plenty of other potentially positive influences on your child, such as that of grandparents, other family members, mentors, and teachers. All these people can provide care, support, provide a range of different insights, and act as active role models to support your child’s growth and development.

Finally, one of the most important factors in raising a happy child is a happy mother. Building your own internal resources, such as hope, optimism, a positive attitude, and self-belief, is just as important as building these in your child. 

FAQs

What does growing up without a father do to a child?

The absence of a father can impact a child’s emotional development, but it doesn’t define their future. Many children thrive in loving, supportive environments that expand the idea of family beyond traditional roles. With stable relationships, encouragement, and care, kids can grow up confident and emotionally secure.

How to raise a child with an absent father?

Raising a child without a father can be challenging, but it’s entirely possible to provide a happy and healthy upbringing. Focus on consistent routines, open communication, and emotional support. Practical advice includes involving trusted adults—like uncles, teachers, or mentors—who can serve as role models and help broaden the child’s sense of connection and security.

What happens if you have no father?

Not having a father doesn’t mean a child will lack love or support. For many middle-class families and beyond, the idea of family has evolved to include a wide range of caring relationships. What matters most is the quality of care, guidance, and emotional presence in a child’s life, not just who provides it.

Are children raised with absent fathers worse off?

While some long-term studies suggest that father absence can be linked to certain challenges, outcomes depend on many factors, like economic stability, community support, and positive parenting. A strong guide to parenting, centered on empathy, structure, and resilience, can help children thrive regardless of family structure.

References:

• How Many Women Worldwide Are Single Moms? by Gallup Polls, 2020.
• East, L., Jackson, D., & O’Brien, L. (2006). Father absence and adolescent development: A review of the literature.Journal of Child Health Care, 10(4), 283-295.
• Jadva, V., Badger, S., Morrissette, M., & Golombok, S. (2009). ‘Mom by choice, single by life’s circumstance…’Findings from a large scale survey of the experiences of single mothers by choice.Human Fertility, 12(4), 175-184.
• Luthar, S. S., & Eisenberg, N. (2017). Promoting strengths and resilience in single-mother families.Child Development, 88(2):350–358.
• McLanahan, S., Tach, L., & Schneider, D. (2013). The causal effects of father absence.Annual Review of Sociology, 39(1), 399-427.
• Sarkadi, A., Kristiansson, R., Oberklaid, F., & Bremberg, S. (2008). Fathers’ involvement and children’s developmental outcomes: A systematic review of longitudinal studies. Acta Paediatrica, 97(2), 153-158.

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