Raising daughters correctly, the particularities and the psychology of raising a girl in the family | FindMyKids Blog
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Interview with a psychologist

When a girl is part of the family: how to raise a daughter correctly

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Psychologists and teachers have long argued that boys and girls cannot be raised in the same way. They have different brain functions, they think, feel and speak differently.

This article is devoted to raising daughters. In it, parents will learn how to raise a girl so that in the future she will turn out to be an excellent mother, home carer and wife, as well as will point out the mistakes that should be avoided.

Contents:

Raising a girl: what should parents know

10 main character traits of a future woman

Long gone are the days when character traits such as modesty, virtue and humility were valued in women. The modern world dictates its own rules to us. Nowadays, a woman must be decisive, self-confident and able to cope with any issues in life. This in a way suggests that masculine traits should now prevail in a woman.

How should we then raise our daughter and what do we need to develop in them?

Psychologists argue that a balance needs to be maintained. The girl must remain feminine, but she should also be able to stand up for herself; she must be soft, but ready to assist in the moment of difficulty.

Here are the traits that need to be developed in a woman-to-be:

  1. Flexibility (the ability to look at the situation from different perspectives and to come up with a compromise).
  2. Wisdom (calmness, thorough thinking process).
  3. Self-confidence and believing in your own strength (readiness to defend one’s own opinion, to overcome difficulties and to strive for something new).
  4. Taking care of the home (the ability to maintain the cleanliness of the house and to cook various dishes).
  5. Kindness, responsiveness (willingness to help and take care of loved ones, the weak and the ones in need).
  6. Determination (autonomy in decision-making and bringing it into real life).
  7. The ability to give and receive love.
  8. Emotional freedom (giving the right to experience emotions and not to suppress them).
  9. Physical and psychological health (the ability to take care of oneself and to maintain the beauty of the body and the soul).
  10. Education (a well-rounded general culture, the ability to maintain a conversation).

Age-related particularities

Let’s now discuss what parents need to know about every stage of their daughter’s life.

The early age

Until the age of 7 years old, a girl’s life is ruled by emotions. She does not know how to control or contain them. Therefore, if the daughter starts crying because of fear or resentment, the “stop crying” phrase will not work with her. Only when the child is convinced that her mother is there, and nothing threatens her, she will be able to calm down.

Little girls can also throw tantrums because of their fatigue and from an excess of emotions.

For a daughter to grow up into a calm adult, parents must create a favorable psychological atmosphere at home. Quarrels, screams and swearing are unacceptable as they will negatively affect the mental development of the child.

We also suggest reading the article Mama, I am a big girl now: how does the 7-year old crisis manifest itself in children.

The preschool age

At this age, girls begin to actively interact with adults and peers. For them, “who” and “how” evaluates them, starts being highly emotionally significant. It is important for a preschool-age girl to “be good” in the eyes of others so that she is noticed, and even better – praised.

It is important for parents to pay attention to the emotional state of their child. They need to explain that every emotion that the girl experiences, has got a name, and to gradually teach her how to deal with them. If this is not done, all fears and suppressed emotions of the daughter will sooner or later be transformed into neuroses and psychological problems.

School-age

The schoolgirl still wishes to be praised, but at this point, a new criterion emerges – the grades at school. Therefore, many elementary school girls diligently do their homework, carry out presentations in front of the class and raise their hand to every teacher’s question with the sole purpose – to be noticed, praised and made into an example by others.

This may lead to mental overload and the emergence of the “A-grade student syndrome” in the girl. Therefore, mothers and fathers need to make sure that their daughter does not get overburdened with work at school and that they do not scold her for poor grades. Girls are always sensitive to criticism, projecting it not in a particular situation, but on their personality as a whole.

Teenage years

The transitional period is not considered to be difficult on empty grounds. It seemed that only yesterday the sweet daughter was listening to mom and dad and calmly playing with dolls in her room. She now got replaced by an aggressive, irritable teenager who slams the doors and shouts that they will leave the house.

In order to painlessly go through this stage and not to negatively affect the relationship with your daughter, it is important for parents to remember that at this stage of life, the teenager’s body is exposed to an unstable hormonal background. This causes the outbursts of aggression, an unstable mood and high concerns for the visual appearance.

Therefore, it is important for parents not to lose the relationship with their daughter that is based on mutual trust. This will allow your child to share their worries with you, given that teenagers have so many reasons for anxiety and doubts.

Parental mistakes when raising their child

1. Excessive strictness and an overly protective approach

At first, parents stop the girl from taking walks in cold weather and protect her from boys, then from household chores and school trips, and in adolescence – from discos and road trips with their friends. This normally stems from good intentions such as “this will ensure that nothing will happen to our daughter” and “at least, she will be safe and by our side”.

What do we get as a result: the girl remains unprepared for independent life. She doesn’t know how to organize her daily routine, to form relationships with others, or to express her opinion. After all, all of her timid attempts to prove herself are shut down by the parental “no”, “don’t” and “you are still too little for this.”

In the positive scenario, it would be good if the daughter can escape from the overly strong care and will be able to build her life according to her own rules. Otherwise, she will have to put up with the role of a puppet in the hands of her parents.

Stop overprotecting the child and give your daughter the reasonable freedom. At the same time, continue taking care of her and protecting her from dangers. Always know where your daughter is, what paths she has taken during the day, and what is happening around her with the “Find my kids” app.

2. Obeying to tantrums

This mistake is common for many parents. Especially if the daughter is the first and long-awaited child. In this scenario, the daughter is allowed literally everything that does not threaten her life. Any of her requests are fulfilled immediately, as soon as the little princess demands it. Parents stop at nothing in the quest to please their beloved daughter.

What do we get as a result: a little princess grows into an eccentric, unbalanced selfish person who is focused only on herself and her desires. She doesn’t care about other people’s feelings. She also does not know how to love or to take care of her loved ones. Therefore, it will be extremely difficult for such a woman to form her own family since she is used to only having things and not to be giving anything away in return.

3. The “coldness” of parents

In some families, parents are not used to expressing feelings for each other and for their children. They are preoccupied with routine or workplace issues, and they consider personal conversations and hugs with kisses to be a completely unnecessary waste of time. The main thing for them is for their children to be dressed and fed.

What do we get as a result: a child who has received less parental affection will seek to receive it elsewhere. Therefore, it is not uncommon for a 14-year-old girl to engage herself in an intimate relationship with a grown man only to feel loved and needed.

4. Excessively high requirements and parental ambitions

When a girl is born in the family, millions of parental expectations are born with her: “Our daughter should become the best, the most beautiful, the smartest and the most talented girl!” If in reality, it turns out that the girl’s health is weak, her abilities are not outstanding, and her visual appearance is quite ordinary, as a rule, parents go out of their way for their daughter to reach their imaginary ideal: they hire tutors, book appointments with psychologists and spend large sums on extracurricular activities.

What do we get as a result: either parents admit that their expectations cannot be fulfilled, or the girl lives with low self-esteem, up to reaching a state of rejection of her as a person.

5. The same upbringing of girls and boys or the upbringing according to a more “masculine” model

Parents do not consider it necessary to focus on the disclosure of the feminine essence in their daughter. She is brought up in the same way as her older brothers. It may also occur that parents dreamed of having a son and hence they involuntarily begin to instill masculine qualities and a masculine behavior in their daughter.

What do we get as a result: the girl grows up without getting to know her feminine nature. It would be difficult for her to build relationships with the opposite sex, as she will not be used to compliments and gifts. In the future, she may have difficulty accepting herself in the role of a mother.

6. Imposing certain behavioral patterns (“You are a girl, you need to behave like a lady!”)

A different perspective also exists where an excessive emphasis is placed on the feminine role. This means that everything that parents do not allow any manifestation of behavior deemed “unfeminine” in their daughter, such as playing ball, climbing and physically reacting to an offender. Also, parents can impose on their daughter their own tastes and attitudes when it comes to the choice of hairstyle, clothing and hobbies.

What do we get as a result: here, the events can go in two ways. The girl will either succumb to the will of her parents and will be thinking that something is wrong with her throughout her whole life. Either at the stage of adolescence or a little later, the final drop of parental authority will take place, and the daughter herself will decide how to behave and what to do, without taking into account the opinion of the mother or father.

7. A large number of responsibilities

When the family consists of many children, the eldest daughter inevitably will have a large part of the housework and care for her siblings, placed on her shoulders. With this, her own needs and desires are often ignored by her parents.

What do we get as a result: a girl, when becoming a grown-up, can refuse to form her own family and have children and will opt for a conscious life in solitude.

8. Incorrect parental judgments

It is important for parents to understand that everything that they broadcast to the child is firmly planted in their heads. These attitudes can be both positive and negative. But all of them, of course, will have a strong impact on the girl’s future life.

What do we get as a result: the girl who has always been told by her father or mother that she is only worthy of a prince on a white horse, may be looking for this prince for her whole life. On the other hand, the girl who has only heard from her parents the words such as “slob”, “clumsy”, “you can’t do anything,” will live believing in her own worthlessness and ineptitude.

The role of the father and the mother in the process of raising a girl

Mum and dad are the most important people for a girl from the first days of her life. Each parent plays a role in her development and in raising their child.

The role of the mother

At first, the mother is the source of satisfaction of the physiological and emotional needs of the little daughter. With the mother, she feels calm, but at the same time, she is sensitive to the slightest changes in her mood and is quick to react to them.

In the future, the mother becomes the embodiment of the female nature for her daughter. The girl observes her behavior and her attitude towards her husband, household and work.

If the mother constantly controls the father, insults him, and does not take his opinion into account, it is very likely that the daughter will behave the same with her future husband, subconsciously replicating the scenario of her parents.

If the mother is not preoccupied with everyday problems, the house is dirty and messy, then such a state of affairs in the family will also be the norm for her daughter.

It is the mother who must help her daughter reveal her feminine essence, teach her to be soft and flexible, but at the same time, confident and able to cope with life’s adversities.

The role of the father

The father has got different functions. He personifies the main protector and savior for the girl. It is the person with whom she cannot fear anything and who will always come to the rescue.

Dad also embodies a world of travel and discoveries, in which something new can be learned on an everyday basis. The girl always expects approval from her father and fears that he will stop loving her if she does something wrong.

A relationship with the father is also the first experience of communication with the opposite sex. Indeed, many women choose a life partner similar to their father. Not necessarily by external signs, but rather by psychological qualities. Therefore, it is not uncommon for a girl, having seen enough of her tyrant father, subconsciously choose a man who is subject to aggression and violence, as her husband. This is simply because with such a man she feels that she is in a familiar environment.

This way, the future well-being of the daughter and her happiness in her family life will depend on the input of her father in her life.

If the father is absent from the family

As we have already found out, the girl seeks support and protection from her father. But what if the father left the family or if the mother is initially raising her daughter alone?

  1. Do not try to be a mother and a father to your daughter, measure your emotional strength. It is good if the father maintains a relationship with their daughter and participates in her life. In other cases, a grandfather or an uncle may become a model of masculinity and reliability in a girl’s life.
  2. Do not burst out the accumulated negativity on the child and do not insult their father in their presence. Families fall apart for various reasons, but in no event should the daughter feel guilty about this.
  3. Do not instill undesirable attitudes in your daughter, such as that all men are cheaters, or otherwise she will have serious problems in building relationships with the opposite sex.
  4. Do not turn your daughter into your “friend” to whom you can talk about your personal problems and discuss men.
  5. No matter how difficult it is, set your daughter free when the time comes and accept all the changes that are taking place in her life and in your own life.

The tips of a psychologist

  • Teach your daughter to work and to be tidy starting from a young age.

All of this will be useful to her for her adult life. You can start with small things – dusting, putting things in the closet, watering flowers. The best way is to turn it all into a game or a competition with the mother.

After that, move on to more difficult tasks: teach the girl how to properly wash the dishes, wash clothes and vacuum the floor. Try not to let your daughter take household chores as a punishment.

  • Always listen carefully to what your girl is telling you.

Women are more emotional than men. It is important for them to share their concerns. When a girl is listened to, she feels significant, needed and loved.

  • It is important for girls to be admired, to be proud of them and to set them as an example. A woman’s self-esteem is largely composed of the assessment of the people around her. Therefore, celebrate your daughter’s real achievements and praise her for them, without focusing on her failures.
  • Neurophysiologists have proven that girls have much higher skin sensitivity than boys. Therefore, physical contact is so important for them, especially with their loved ones. Hug and kiss your daughters more, it would only do good to them!
  • Do not forget to pay attention to the physical development of the girl.

Choose the right type of sports activity for your daughter. This may be gymnastics, dance, swimming or aerobics.

  • Tell your daughter about the rules of safe behavior and about how to protect herself in the event when danger arises. The girl has got to know that in any event, you will be able to come to their rescue and that the key to resolving an issue is not to be afraid to talk about it to their father or mother.

Control the safety of your daughter at any time and anywhere. Always be aware of her location, of what is happening around her and give her the option to emit an immediate SOS signal whenever this is needed, with the use of the “Find my Kids” app.

  • Forget about physical punishment and harsh teaching methods.

Girls are especially sensitive to this. A future woman who is accustomed to violence will also consider it normal in her own family if her husband uses physical abuse against her.

  • If the daughter has committed a wrongdoing, assess the actual action and not her personality. A strong emotional reaction to the accusations of the girl will not enable her to understand where she has gone wrong.
  • Allow the young lady to understand her own personality and not to “frame” herself under the standards of female beauty that are promoted on TV screens and on the Internet.
  • If the girl is expressing an initiative, do not shut it down immediately.

You can’t make it all easy for your daughter, and she still has a lot to learn by herself. Therefore, encourage any of her attempts to learn and try new things, to cope with difficulties on her own and to understand the reasons for her mistakes.

The feminine nature is very multifaceted, so raising a girl (as well as a boy) is not as easy as it seems. Everything that you give your girl and what you teach her, should help her in the future to become a loving wife, an excellent housewife and a caring mother. Love your daughters, take care of them, but at the same, do not forget to let them go when the time comes!

Read more:

  1. Raising a boy? Figure out how to raise your son into a good man.
  2. How not to raise a selfish child in a one-child family?
  3. Bullying at schools: prevention and methods of combating
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