Why 11–17-Year-Olds Lie and How to Respond

We know teens rarely lie without a reason. Unlike younger kids, their lying is often linked to a desire to set boundaries, protect themselves, or fit in with a group. Understanding these reasons can help you support your teen and build trust.

📊 What Research Says

At this age, lying becomes more complex and intentional. The reasons are often tied to identity, personal boundaries, and the need to feel part of a group.

Studies show that teens see lying as justified when it helps protect their boundaries. They’re also more likely to lie if they believe they won’t get caught.

🔑 Why Teens Hide the Truth—and What Parents Can Do

As kids grow up, they may naturally become less open with their parents. You might feel like your teen is hiding something or avoiding conversations, but this is part of growing up and becoming an independent person in control of their own life. Lying during adolescence often has a reason directly tied to this.

Teens lie because:

They Want to Protect Their Personal Space

At this age, teens value their privacy more and may hide things to avoid too much control.

What you can do: Respect their boundaries: “I understand there are things you want to keep to yourself. But I’m always here to listen, and I’m here if you need me.” Teens have the right to their secrets (as long as they are not harmful). Agree on important rules, but don’t pressure them.

They Want to Be Independent

Sometimes, teens lie to get around restrictions. For example, they might say they’re going to a friend’s house but actually head to a party.

What you can do: Set and explain the rules: “I get that you want freedom, but my job is to keep you safe.”

They Want to Be Part of a Group

Teens may lie to fit in or protect their friends. For example, they might hide the truth so they don’t let a friend down or reveal someone else’s secret.

What you can do: Talk about friendship: “If a friend asks you to lie, think about whether they’re putting you in a tough spot.”

They’re Experimenting With Identity

Lying can be part of figuring out who they are—trying on different roles and versions of themselves. For instance, saying they’ve always been a fan of a particular band when they know little about the group—they’re just experimenting with being a metalhead.

What you can do: Support your teen in this process: “I understand you’re trying to figure out who you are. Just remember I’m always here.”

They’re Afraid of Being Judged

Teens may hide failures to avoid criticism from adults or peers. For example, they may say they did okay on a big test when in reality they failed, but the teacher let them retake it and they just squeaked by to pass.

What you can do: Create a space where your teen feels safe telling the truth: “You can tell me anything. I’m not here to judge.”

Teens don’t lie to be difficult or because they’re “bad”—they’re trying to find their place in the world. Show them that honesty strengthens them, and always praise them when they tell the truth.

References:

• Cognitive empathy boosts honesty in children and young adolescents, Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 2024
• Development of children’s reasoning and self-reported use of secrets and lies, Child Development, 2017
• Lying in the name of the collective good: A developmental study, Developmental Science, 2008
• To lie or not to lie: To whom and under what circumstances, Child Development, 2007