“It was such a long journey”: the true story from the husband about how men get married
Mo Mulla is a work from home dad who enjoys reading and listening to music. He loves being a dad and husband to a growing family. He loves writing about his passions and hopes to change the world in a parenting blog. Today, he shared with us his personal story about how he finally got married and why it takes men so long!
Getting married is a beautiful experience, but for me, it was a very long journey.
It took me 10 years to actually get married to my wife. Here is my story of why it took so long, what was going through our minds, and what finally made us take the plunge and get married!
I was 18 when I proposed to my wife. On a cold night in the middle of December, I booked a hotel, showered the room with rose petals and candles, then got down on one knee.
We were teenagers when we first met and could never in envision that we would spend the rest of our lives together. But after I proposed, it took 10 long years before we tied the knot.
- Why did it take so long?
- What was I waiting for?
- Did I propose too early?
These are the questions that should have haunted me every night, but in truth, they didn’t.
10 Years of Hesitation…
I fell head over heels, my wife, when we first met. She loved me even more and we both got engaged young, really young. She was 17 and I was 18.
I remember telling her mum we just got engaged and if the look on her face could have cut, I’m sure I would have been in diced into pieces that night! I had only met her in the summer of that year, so we had only known each other for a few months… barely any time at all before I popped the question.
It all sounded like it a recipe for disaster: 2 teenagers, going against their parent’s wishes, with no money or a place to stay, seemingly driving off into the sunset.
The truth is we couldn’t afford rent and I had just started university so was in mountains of debt.
What followed for the next 3 years was plenty of promises, but most of them were broken.
Luckily my partner wasn’t the type to put too much pressure on me but deep down I could see her trying to figure out the reasons why it hadn’t happened yet.
We Had No Money!
We weren’t ready financially I kept saying, and it was true. Even when I finished university there wasn’t any work available so for the next 3 years we both lived at home and I got a part-time job.
Honestly, She didn’t feel like my wife. I didn’t really know what a wife was supposed to feel like. We loved each other very much and just kept on telling ourselves that once we get our money straight it will happen.
Then, to my surprise, I started a small business and within the first 18 months, I made some REAL money. Over the next 3 years, I was making enough money to move out, pay rent, and start our own family.
Money Isn’t EVERYTHING
I had no excuses; we had the money now. But it still didn’t happen.
- Maybe I was scared that moving out of my parent’s house and the safety net would change things.
- Maybe I wasn’t ready to live alone, with just me, her, and a cat.
- Maybe we didn’t love each other as much anymore… (I hoped not).
I still wasn’t ready to get married, so I did the smartest thing that I could think of… prolonged it some more!
For the next few years, we went traveling around Europe, the USA, and finally settled in the Caribbean. We spent 18 months in the sunny Caribbean. A Beautiful tropical island called Grenada, secretly nestled amongst the Antilles islands.
We had it all, a good digital income, a dreamlike view, and even more love for each other. But was it enough?
The Penny Dropped!
I remember the day it happened. The day my wife looked at me, a rum punch in 1 hand, and a confused look on the other…
— “My mum just called”, she said. ”She asked me: should I be expecting grandchildren any time soon?”
I looked at her perplexed. We had always spoken about children, but never really set any plans or dates. We were having fun but at some point, all that has to stop.
— “We need to get married before we have children I said”
There was this awkward silence, that lasted for ages…
We both looked at each other, it was like the penny dropped at the same time.
My Greatest FEAR!
I realized why it had taken me this long to get married. I was scared that if we actually got married that this honeymoon period of romance would stop and we both didn’t want that to happen.
We had got engaged so young that in my mind we were already married so there was no need to rush. But thinking about actually having children changed all that. She was ready and so was I.
Within 3 months we hired a wedding planner, set the date, and got married. It happened within a flash and once we came back from our honeymoon, we looked at each other with the same feeling. Why did we wait so long?
The truth is every relationship is different. So never feel rushed into doing anything you don’t feel is right for you.
In that decade of togetherness, I got to experience the best and the worst of my partner. I got see her go through extreme joy and extreme pain and we grew together. We know everything there is to know about each other and we can plan ahead with joy-filled hearts for the future.
I don’t wish you 10 years of an engagement, but I do wish you 10 years of joy, love, and expression with your partner. Marriage is a commitment, but the true commitment is staying true to the one you love and having faith in each other no matter what.
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