Why Children Never Admit to Being Bullied at School

Many parents believe: “If something serious happened, my child would definitely tell me.” Unfortunately, reality is different. Children often keep silent about bullying — not because they trust their peers more than their parents, but because of fear, shame, or the belief that adults won’t understand.

That’s why it’s so important for parents to notice hidden signs and create a safe space for honest conversations. And when words aren’t enough, technology can help: for example, the Findmykids app has a Sound Around feature that lets you hear what’s happening around your child’s phone. This way, you can better understand the situation and step in to protect them if needed.

Reasons Why a Child Would Not Tell Their Parents

Research shows that bullying is far from rare. About 34% of U.S. teens aged 12–17 reported being bullied in the past year, according to the National Library of Medicine. Yet many children choose not to share their struggles: one study found that 64% of bullied kids did not report it to a parent or teacher.

Many parents, understandably, react with confusion: “I am a loving parent! Why would my child hide their difficulties at school from me?”

The truth is, children often carry worries and doubts that make silence feel safer than speaking up.

Why kids stay silent about bullying:

• Parental separation or family stress. Kids often avoid “adding problems” at home when parents are already dealing with conflict
• Belief that parents won’t understand or take them seriously.
• Fear of retaliation or escalation if the bully finds out.
• Shame from being targeted, especially when bullying involves verbal harassment or social aggression.
• Distrust in adults. Some children believe teachers, principals, or even parents won’t act effectively
• Worries about blame if they also have learning problems or behavior problems at school.

Silence doesn’t mean the problem isn’t serious. One study found that children who experience bullying are also more likely to develop long-term mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and difficulties with self-esteem. This underlines the importance of maintaining open communication and seeking help from a mental health professional or adolescent psychologist when needed.

Signs That Your Child Is Being Bullied in School

Children don’t always come home and say, “I’m being bullied.” In fact, many go to great lengths to hide it from parents. That’s why recognizing the warning signs is crucial. Some signals may seem small in isolation, but together they can point to something more serious happening at school or online.

Common signs your child may be experiencing bullying include:

• Spends an uncharacteristically large amount of time alone
• Comes home with bruises/beatings but blames them on being clumsy and sports
• Sudden loss of appetite, skipping meals, or overeating after school as a coping mechanism
• Misbehaves more, especially after school or after having spent time on social networks
• A drop in grades, loss of concentration, or sudden learning problems that weren’t present before
• Refusal to go to school, often with vague stomachaches or headaches
• Anxiety about using a particular social media website or hiding social media activity
• Frequent trips to the nurse or avoidance of the principal’s office
• Sudden interest in avoiding friends or quitting group activities
• Sleep disturbances, including nightmares or trouble falling asleep
• Mentions of “hating school” without a clear reason

Parent tip: Keep in mind that not every sign automatically means bullying—but when several appear together, especially alongside emotional changes, it’s worth starting a gentle, open conversation with your child and contacting teachers or school staff if needed.

What to Do?

It’s important to be both sensitive and observant. If your child starts to behave unusually, you need to find the time to ask the right questions and gently figure out what is going on. Don’t rush into lectures or judgments—focus on listening first.

Create a trusting environment. Encourage conversations on any topic, even the small and everyday ones. When a child feels that their parent is genuinely interested and open, they will be more willing to talk about unpleasant experiences too. Be ready to listen without taking sides too quickly—sometimes children fear that parents will immediately blame teachers, peers, or even the school system without understanding the full story. Neutral, calm reactions build trust.

Discuss safety openly. Children need to hear clear, direct messages from parents:

• “Bullying is wrong.”
• “If you ever face a situation you can’t handle alone, you can always come to me for help.”
• “Asking for support is not weakness—it’s the right thing to do.”

Recognize that signals aren’t always obvious. Children can hide problems from parents deliberately, either because they don’t want to worry you or because they’re ashamed. That’s why parents need to pay close attention and look for subtle changes in mood, habits, or behavior.

Understand the stakes. Bullying is not just “kids being kids.” It can have serious consequences for your child’s physical and psychological well-being. Long-term exposure can lead to isolation, anxiety, depression, mental health issues, and, in the most severe cases, even suicidal thoughts.

Focus on safety, not toughness. Protecting your child from bullying is not about willpower, independence, or learning to “stand up for themselves.” It is first and foremost a question of their safety. When a child is in danger—whether physical or emotional—they deserve protection and support.

Prepare ahead of time. It’s helpful to talk with your child about bullying before it ever happens. Discuss what it looks like, what their options are, and who they can turn to if they feel unsafe. This preparation gives children a mental roadmap: if bullying occurs, they already know it’s not their fault, and they know what steps to take.

Read more: How to Stop Bullying in Schools? Protection, Prevention, Facts.

Findmykids Advice

Findmykids app

If you suspect that your child is being bullied by their peers but they have never come to you and asked to talk about this topic, use this lifehack:

Install the Findmykids app and listen to the sounds around the phone when they are at school. You will be able to listen to everything that is going on within a radius of 1–2 meters around the child. So you will be able to figure out exactly what the child’s behavior is linked to, whether it be bad relationships with peers, mocking from older students, or conflicts with teachers.

Beyond the Sound Around feature, Findmykids can help parents track unusual school patterns. If your child spends too much time alone, leaves class often, or avoids certain areas, location history may reveal it.

Monitoring social media activity and app usage can also give parents clues about online bullying. Combined, these tools allow parents to recognize risks early, have informed conversations, and seek help from a guidance counselor or school under the official anti-bullying policy.

In cases where bullying is severe, schools may require parents to submit a complaint form to the administration or board of education. Having data from Findmykids makes this process easier and shows proof that your child is experiencing bullying.

FAQs

How to teach kids to respond to bullies?

Help your child practice calm but assertive responses such as “Stop” or “That’s not okay.” Role-play at home, and encourage them to walk away and report the incident to a teacher or guidance counselor.

Why do schools downplay bullying?

Some schools fear reputational damage or disciplinary workload. Others lack training or a strong anti-bullying policy.

Why do kids lie about being bullied?

Children may deny or lie because they fear being labeled weak, making things worse, or because they think parents won’t take it seriously. Lying is often a way to protect themselves or their family.

How to scare a bully?

Experts advise against aggression. Instead, focus on confidence-building and seeking support from adults. Encouraging your child to calmly set boundaries and involve a teacher or principal is safer and more effective than intimidation.

Cover image: SynthEx/Shutterstock.com